Happy Birthday....

Happy Birthday....

September is here again, with the bittersweet memories attached. My mother was born in September, and died in September, two weeks after her 65th birthday....

She was a one-of-a-kind, my mother. I have never met anyone quite like her. She was intelligent, beautiful, and creative, and yet, lost and sad at the same time. She loved photograpy and took most of the pictures of me that are on my profile page.

She came from a tragic family, and that tragedy shaped her choices for the rest of her life. She wanted to be surrounded by beauty,and so she planted roses and other flowers. She shunned the darkness and tried to live in the sunlight. She loved musicals, she loved to read, and she loved to travel.

I think about her often and I talk to her, too. I wear her engagement ring on a chain around my neck. It is amazing how many people have asked me about that ring, and what it means. And maybe this poem, that I wrote this morning in a fit of tears, will explain..

I wish I had the notes you once wrote,

But you’ll be around forever.

I wish I could remember how you smelled,

But you’ll be around forever.

I wish I could touch that soft dress you wore,

But you’ll be around forever.

I wish I’d said “I love you” more…

But you’ll be around forever.

I wish I had listened more closely,

When you talked about your hopes and dreams,

But you’ll be around forever.

I wish I had a recording of your voice,

With the soft, lilting way you said your words,

But you’ll be around forever.

I wish I could brush your hair again,

And place it in a cascading pile

On top of your perfectly-shaped head

But you’ll be around forever.

I wish I had said the things I wanted to say,

And told you what you needed to hear.

I wish I had gotten in your face,

And defied you, just for once

So you would know that I am strong

And that my heart cannot be swayed

And that my courage will prevail…

But I was wrong and didn’t know it then…

You could not be around forever!

Happy Birthday, Momby!