White Picket Fence....

I only lived in one house that had a white picket fence, and it was when I was very small. Doesn't matter, it isn't the fence I miss, it's the symbolism. The times. The way of life. The simplicity of every day.

I want it back.....

I know, I know. Impossible, you say. It was such a small window of time: the war was over and the troops had returned home. Korea was on some other planet, perhaps. Life in small-town America was coming together again.

In the summer, the grass was greener, the trees were bigger (really) and the fruit and vegetables were abundant. I had no idea how much money my daddy made and I didn't care: we had enough to eat. And my mother made sure I had flouncy, frilly dresses to wear. Too many dresses: I preferred my overalls. I never got in trouble for getting my overalls dirty....

Life was home and family, friends, school and church. A HUGE treat, once a month or so, was to go out to dinner. My older brother hated it: we had to share a dinner and I always got to choose and I always chose fried chicken.

We stood in class, in the morning, and said the Pledge of Allegiance. With gusto, mostly. We knew our fathers had gone off to the war and fought hard and kept our freedom safe. We didn't know where, or how, but we knew they were heroes.

We had one car and Daddy drove it to work. If my mother wanted to use the car, she had to take Daddy to work in the morning. If it was raining, she might drop us off at school but mostly, we walked to school, rain or shine.

And when it did rain, we took our roller skates to school. During recess, we were allowed to skate on the walkways outside our classrooms. Teachers were posted at the corners to slow us down, if we were going too fast. And if someone got hurt, there was a nurse in the school office.

I knew every kid in the neighborhood. Played with the ones who were close to my age. We ran all over the neighborhood, barefooted, all summer long. We didn't have to go home until our mothers called us and then we hurried home. For supper.

My mother wore an apron when she cooked. All our meals happened at the dining room table. My brothers on one side, me on the other, and my parents at each end of the table. I didn't have to have a sibling “elbowing” me when I ate. I had something worse: when the telephone rang, I had to answer it, since my chair was right next to the phone table.

On summer nights, we sat outside, on the patio, and talked or read or played games. The windows were open so we could hear the radio and the tunes wafting out the window on the summer breeze. Sometimes, we listened to music, sometimes to news, and sometimes to a program like “The Lone Ranger.”

When we finally got a television, we were only allowed to watch it for an hour a day: “it'll ruin your eyes!” My mother said that constantly. My parents chose the program and, if we were interested, we watched it, too.

I could go on and on, but it's futile. The memories will have to sustain me. Thomas Wolfe was right: we can't go home again....

Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady...

I first met her about 4 or 5 years ago. She was subdued, but friendly, when we were introduced. I was visiting Tommy and she didn't know who I was, so she stayed very close to his side during my whole visit.

She didn't say much, but she didn't take her eyes off me for very long, either. I read her attitude as being protective of him, not jealous of me. She didn't seem to mind that we talked for a long time, or that I was in her home.

She is very pretty. Tall, blonde, athletic and very, very smart. She has very good manners and doesn't forget them very often. Tommy only has to tell her once, usually, and she does what she is asked to do. That's pretty good, I think, considering how much energy she has and how curious she is about everything in her life.

She has been schooled in the appropriate behaviors for specific situations. She knows her place and she tends to it diligently. She approaches her “lot in life” with enthusiasm and grace. She loves unabashedly and is fiercely protective of those she loves.

She has taught me many lessons. In fact, she taught me, on that first visit, or maybe on the second, where the cookies are and how to tell if she wants one. Well, that part was easy: she always wants a cookie. From that visit on, she knew that cookies would be served every time I came to see Tommy.

Her name is Lady, and she is......a lady. A yellow labrador retriever, too, but mostly, a lady.

The last time I saw her was in January of this year. Tommy gave me a ride to the airport, to catch a flight to Chicago and she went along for the ride. She loves to ride in the truck. It doesn't matter what she is doing, or what she might have planned, she will always drop what she is doing in order to go for a ride in the truck.

Just the other day, Tommy posted her picture on Facebook. It seems that she has been ill. And now, the results are back from the veterinarian and it isn't good. She can't be cured....

And so, Tommy wrote this quote on his Facebook wall:

"When despair grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great Heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I lie in the presence of still water. Above me I feel the day-blind stars waiting for their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am FREE". 


God loaned her to me, a beautiful gift I cherish. We are going to live and love for as long as she has.

It's a chance we take, having pets and treating them like people. This beautiful creature, named Lady, has been a mainstay in my friend's life for many years. Through the good times and the bad times, and there were some very bad times, she has been there for him. At his side. Ready to defend him with her life. And even more ready to make him smile and laugh with her precious antics.

So many of us have taken that chance, more than once even, and given our hearts to a pet. Or several pets. In turn, they give us comfort, and company, and an ear to listen. They stay with us when others abandon us. They show their love and loyalty in every glance at us. They ask for nothing in return except their due: some food, some shelter, and an occasional treat....

And when they leave us, the heavens open and the rain pours down. It fills our eyes and runs down our cheeks. Sometimes, it causes us to convulse with the pain of losing such a dear, devoted friend and companion. But then, the sun comes out again and all that's left is the joy in our hearts. And smiles, as we think about the good times.

Lady, I'm glad I have had the chance to know you....and see your smile.

Post Script: I heard from Tommy last night. Lady is going to So. California to have surgery. The vet is going to remove the tumor that is impinging on her airway. It won't save her life but it will make her last days more comfortable. Tommy wanted to know if it was okay with me for him to share what I wrote with his family.....of course, Tommy. I wrote it from my heart, for you and for Lady. Cali Update: Her surgery was yesterday. She had a tumor the size of a melon removed from her lung. Tommy has been updating us on her progress on Facebook. I have received two text messages from him, too. She was able to go outside today for a walk and they took this picture.. Then back to "doggy ICU". She has a chest tube, an IV, telemetry, and a fentanyl patch for pain. We are hoping for the best.

And anotherPost Script: Six months after her diagnosis and initial treatment, Lady succumbed in her sleep yesterday. Rest In Peace, Sweet Lady, I will miss you!

Living in the Moment...

As I sit here, collecting my thoughts, I look up and see the most beautiful sight: dappled sunlight on the wall in front of me. It's beautiful. The reds and greens illuminated by gentle golden light.

The picture on my new calendar is a view of a centuries-old city on a Greek isle. Whitewashed buildings with bright blue or yellow roofs. Touches of orange dot the hillside in the picture. Was it always that bright? Or did the sunlight emphasize the colors?

It's that time of year: the sunset happens quickly. I have to hurry, or I will miss it. I could be at the seashore, sitting in a chair, sipping iced tea and watching the sun go down. Or on that Greek isle, watching the sun melt into the ocean.

But no, I'm here, at home, noticing something that is too often taken for granted. The gorgeous show put on by the sun, most evenings of the year. No cover charge, no minimum. No reservations needed. No planning ahead. No dressing up for the occasion. Just a remembering: that it is happening and that it is more spectacular and worthy of watching than anything else that is going on.

Well maybe, the birth of a baby. That might be worth missing the sunset....

Ah, there's always tomorrow night. Or is there? I have been without my sunshine for several days now, and without the sunset, too, obviously. Will there be sunshine tomorrow? I certainly hope so. But, just in case.....

I'm off to watch the sunset right now. Right here. In the moment...

Stop the World!!!

I want to get off....

Well, maybe not leave completely. I just want things to slow down. At least a little. I just had a lovely vacation and yet, little more than a week later, I'm back in the rut. Sort of.

It's not really that bad. I have lots of good things in my life. I'm fortunate, to be sure. What I miss, at times, is what I remember as the simpler times in my life. The peaceful times when things happened at a slower pace.

I was thinking today about something very mundane: hanging clothes on the line. I remember shaking out the diapers and hanging them, two to a clothespin, along the wire clothesline in my backyard. I would go out with an old rag, while the clothes were washing, and clean off the wires.

When the clothes were washed, I filled the basket and carried them out in the backyard. It was usually a sunny day and, if it was breezy, the clothes would dry quickly. I would be back out in a few hours to gather them off the clothesline and fold them into the basket.

Nothing smells better than sheets hung out to dry. To me, anyway.

Long, leisurely days filled with babies and diapers and clothes hanging on the line. Pulling weeds with a toddler's “help.” Sweeping, mopping, dusting and cleaning with a little one on my hip. Ah, the antithesis of a feminist, I guess.

There were times to rush and there were times of great activity, too. But mostly, there seemed to be plenty of time. For everything.

I do think the pace of our culture has sped up. I know that leisurely times are few and far between, for me, anyway. There is always something that needs to be done right now and something that needed to be done yesterday. And then, there's always tomorrow. Or the next day.

I also know that some of the things that seem important at the time, really aren't. I remember staying up most of the night, the night before Easter, to make cupcakes that looked like Easter baskets. I dyed some coconut green, for the grass, and put miniature jelly beans on top, like Easter eggs. I used pipe cleaners (remember them?) to make “handles” for the Easter basket/cupcakes.

I was so proud of my creations. I just knew that my kids would love them. They looked so festive. How could I have known that my kids wouldn't like coconut? To this day, my kids don't like coconut. I could have gotten some sleep instead.....

Maybe it's just my rose-colored glasses: things seemed so simple and so sweet back then. I realized at the time how good my life was and I did appreciate it immensely. I had the best of everything: family, home, purpose, and sweet little babies.

And now those babies have babies of their own. And life has gotten more and more complex. And the earth is spinning much faster than it seemed to back then. Or not....

I think I'll just sit down and savor the moment....

Giving Thanks.....

The turkey's defrosting. The grocery shopping list is a mile long. Maybe two miles. The house is sparkling clean and ready for company.

This morning, I'm on my way north, to the Big Burg, to pick up my granddaughter. She will spend the rest of the week with me, enjoying the holiday. She has only called me about ten times this morning. I'm so glad her mother gave her a cell phone.....

She is bringing her new laptop, purchased for her by her father. He has been an absent father for eight of her ten years of life. He came to see her a couple of weekends ago, and they had a wonderful time. She wanted to know where she came from, and now she does. And the doors are open; the lines of communication re-established. That's a good thing.

We will be busy for the next few days. Cooking, baking, decorating and just hanging out together. She is wise beyond her years at some moments, and a little, baby child at others. Typical of her age, and very endearing, to me.

She doesn't expect to be entertained. She will be happy just to hang out with me, and do whatever I am doing. She can spend hours in her room and idle away her time in thoughts. Or TV. Or now, her laptop. I have a book to give her: Abe Lincoln Grows Up, by Carl Sandburg. I bought it for her at the Lincoln Museum in Springfield, Illinois.

I think about her wherever I go, whatever I am doing. And the Museum gift shop was all about finding mementos for my grandchildren. Aidan received a book of Lincoln's speeches. Mckay was thrilled with a mint set of Lincoln pennies. Hopefully, Noelle will like her book.

And read it, too.

How we spend the next few days is not as important as the fact that we will be together. We will have time to talk, to listen, to share, and to laugh.

For that, I'm thankful.

The Night Sky...

I wrote this blog when I was still at Yellowstone.

I just came in from outside....

It's dark, and quiet, outside Old Faithful Inn. The crowds have settled in for the night. And Old Faithful spewed steam and hot water heavenward just as I walked outside. It's hard to see at night, but the steam is noticeable.

I am sure that, given a chance, Walt Disney, et al, would add a laser light show, Electric Light Parade type music, and glow-in-the-dark necklaces to the show. Mother Nature is confident that we will enjoy Old Faithful just as it is....

I didn't go outside to see Old Faithful. I went in search of my friends. Orion, Ursula Major, Ursula Minor, Andromeda, Sirius, and the Seven Sisters. Oh, and the pure joy of the Milky Way. They were all there, waiting for me.

I knew, before I left Podunk, that I would be looking at the stars each night. In Yellowstone and elsewhere. It is more than eight thousand feet above sea level here, and there's no pollution. And so, the stars are so close I could almost touch them. But I'm not quite that tall...

I have always loved looking at the stars. I have blogged in the past about seeing the constellations and learning about them from my father, when I was a small child. Stars have never lost their fascination to me. I love to gaze at the night sky and find the familiar ones.

Tonight, and last night also, I have seen a shooting star. I remember being told to make a wish when I saw a shooting star. I always have and some wishes have even come true. Was it the stars? Who knows....

There is something so permanent and so reassuring about the stars in the night sky. They take me back to times long ago and make me wonder about the future. All at the same time. They are a connection to my past, especially my father, and a comfort to me in the night sky. Even though so much has changed in our world in my lifetime, my friends, the stars are still there.

And they still delight me.....

Fall in the Grand Tetons...

The Grand Tetons National Park is just south of Yellowstone. And so, I drove south on Sunday afternoon to see.... the Grand Tetons.

As I drove south, following Yellowstone Lake, cars were stopped along the sides of the road. I have learned what that means: wildlife. Sure enough, there was a bison trying to graze on grass, bulking up for the harsh winter, with tourists snapping his picture. Some of them were too close, merely 10 feet away.

Deer, elk, longhorn sheep, bison, moose....all live and graze within the park, wandering freely. So do grizzly bears, I'm told. I did see the bison, a few deer, and one moose, but no grizzlies.

You leave Yellowstone and travel on the John D. Rockefeller, Jr. Parkway for several miles before entering Grand Tetons. Fall has arrived in Wyoming: the leaves on the aspen trees were golden. Absolutely, brilliantly golden. In another week, according to weather reports, the leaves may be gone.

And there's another lake. The Jackson Lake runs along the base of the Grand Tetons, for miles. Green fir trees, golden aspens, quaking in the breeze, brilliant blue water, and the mountains reflected in the lake: what an amazing sight.

There are beach areas, and picnic tables, along the lake and ample opportunity to stop and marvel at nature's beauty. I took dozens of photos but my favorite is one with a fir tree framing a shot of the mountains and their reflection in the water.

I believe that I am able to take such a vacation. True, I spent many vacations at home, over the years, not having the money to spend on travel (or so I reasoned). Well, now's the time, my time, to see America the Beautiful.

And boy, is it beautiful!!

The UP Side....

There has to be an UP side to getting up at 1:00 am.....

Driving in the rain, through the towns south of Podunk, traveling in convoy with the truckers, is not exactly my favorite thing to do. Took a left turn in Buck Owens' Country (Bakersfield) and headed out east to the desert.

After what seemed like hours and hours, the UP side appeared. After seeing a few stars through the clouds, some lightening in the distance, and not much else, I got my reward.

Old Faithful....

I wrote this on Saturday. There was no TV or internet in the hotel, and minimal cell phone reception. I enjoyed an old-fashioned vacation for a couple of days! Right now, I'm in Mickey D's in Cody, WY and they have wi-fi.....

To me, Yellowstone has always been about Old Faithful. I had never been here before, nor was I aware of all that the park is about. I guess I was too busy getting ready for my trip to google Yellowstone and find out more about it....

I didn't know it was the first national park...in the world. I could have guessed that Teddy Roosevelt spent time here, that's a given. I was surprised as I entered the park yesterday: the trees are small. Well, small by my standards, but I live in California where we have the world's tallest trees (the coast redwoods) and the world's largest trees (the Sequoias, in the Sierra Nevada mountain range). These fir trees are mostly lodgepole pines, and they are only about three or four stories high.

I also learned that there are two lakes here, Yellowstone Lake and Lewis Lake. There is also a Yellowstone River, with rapids and falls, that I didn't know about.

And yes, Old Faithful is here. And faithful, too. I don't look at the posted signs telling visitors when it will erupt again; I just look at the geyser. If the benches are starting to fill up, it's show time. I actually sat and watched it this morning: it was awesome.

In the visitors' center, I learned that it is the pressure of the steam, and the water collected in the underground fissure that causes the eruption. And it is quite interesting to watch. Another thing I didn't know: it smells like sulfur.

I am staying at the Old Faithful Inn, which was built 106 years ago. The inn has survived an earthquake which wrecked three of its stone fireplaces in 1959, and a fire that came within yards, literally, of destroying the landmark.

The inside is rustic and fabulous. Comfortable old rocking chairs surround the fireplace, and there is almost always a roaring fire. The lobby is cavernous, ascending four stories to the famous cupola on top, with its flags.

This morning, after watching Old Faithful, I walked along the boardwalks in the geyser fields. There are many active geysers in an area that encompasses maybe sixty acres. In fact, the inn is in the caldera, on top of the volcano. That makes sleeping at night easy....not.

The geyser fields are very colorful. There are interestingly shaped geysers, “beehive” geysers, and brightly-colored algae, too. The whole area is a history lesson, geology lesson, and volcanic activity lesson....all in one.

I bought a book at the Learning Center: the story of Yellowstone, written for children. Of course, it's for Noelle. I hope that she is able to share the stories of my adventures and then see the park for herself, someday.

And I want her to know more than I did when I got here.....

Great Adventure

I make a list and write
Everything I want to take.
Of course, it's more than enough
I'll change my mind, when I awake.

Some clothes to wear, food to eat,
A coat, if it's chilly, something warm for my feet.

Personal products, and underwear,
Shirts and jeans and socks and shoes.
Whatever should I take?

And how will I choose?

Trying to get ready to leave in two days
Somehow I'll get through this packing maze.

And off I'll go, on a Great Adventure.
Off to see sights I have not seen before.
Traveling by car, on the highways and byways,
One thing, dear me, I must implore:

Don't let me get so caught up in packing.
That I lose sight of the things that I see.
The places, the history, the natural beauty...
The goodness of the world that's surrounding me.

In The Blink Of An Eye

As time goes by
I wonder why...
I spent so much time
Wondering why.

Why not just live?
Why not just enjoy?
The time I have
On this little blue ball?

Why spend so much time
In pain and sorrow?
Why live my life
Worried about tomorrow?

Why watch time fly
As days grow to years
Why watch time fly
And give in to fears?

Live for today
And plan for the morrow.
Be open to life's joys
Instead of its sorrows.

Life is fleeting,
And quickly passes...
But life's joys
Its sorrows, surpasses.

Another Day...

The day is ending
Night is falling
Life comes
To its sweet repose.

So many plans
So much to do
Now must wait
For another dawn.

Life is like that
A daily series
Of things to do
And experiences.

No need to audit
Or count the goals
Both met and left
For another day.

The joy is in
The experiences
Just to be
And see and feel.

When the day is over
And night has come
Sweet sleep prepares us
For another chance.

Another day
Another cycle
Adding to the joys
Of a simple life.

Drops of Time

Little drops of time

Falling on my face,

Taking away my Youth,

Leaving wrinkles in its place.

Little drops of time

Falling from above

Took away the loneliness,

And brought me Love.

Little drops of Love,

Falling on my face,

Take away the pain and leave

A smile in its place.

Little drops of Love,

Fill my heart, every day

Taking away the emptiness,

And make me want to play.

Little drops of Laughter

Falling from the sky,

Take away the heartache

And let me fly.

Little drops of Joy,

Falling on my face,

Bring a sense of peace

To this Happy Place.

Quiet Glory...

Another day has happened...

Another day is coming to a close.

Did things happen the way I wanted?

Did events occur just as I chose?

If I could go back through my life

And edit out the things I should,

Would I still be who I am today,

If I achieved all the things I could?

Or would I be someone else?

Living life in a different space?

Would that other me be the same?

Or have the same voice and face?

Would I still have the happiness

That has found me at long last?

Or would I live sorrowfully,

Defeated by the life that passed?

I guess it doesn't matter

Where I think I might have been,

For I know that it is gone,

I shall never pass this way again.

And so I count my blessings

My memories, gather round.

And for whatever reasons,

Rejoice in the joy I have found.

If life is a tangled journey,

From birth to wherever we are,

I'm glad I made my own path,

And followed my own star.

As my day and my life are ending,

And I'm nearer the end of the story,

I'm thankful for the opportunity,

To live in my own, quiet glory.

Tis the Season...

It's quiet now

The day is done.

The night, left cold

By the setting sun.

Long lost faces

Once held so dear

Under cover of darkness,

Slowly reappear.

Gathering around me

One by one...

Encircling my soul

As the day is done.

No need to fear,

Or scream or cry,

No need to question,

Or wonder why.

Tis the season,

Happens once each year,

The visits begin

From memories, dear.

Those I love,

Who have gone on,

Come abide with me

Til tomorrow's dawn.

Swirling around,

In my head and heart,

Sharing stories,

Til they must part.

Every year, they come,

Every year, they stay,

And, once I remember,

They go away.

They know I'm fine,

And I'll be all right,

Alone, again....

Another quiet night.

Memories....A Poem...

Life seems to be such a quandary....

Living somewhere besides where I want to be.

Spending my time in memories of the past

Why is it only the memories that last?

Life is happening all around

But, in the past, is where I'm found.

Life is so precious Life is so dear

Why can't I live right now, right here?

Why do I feel so all alone?

Togetherness is what my memories have shown.

People I love People so near

Being together brings love and good cheer.

So I'll hold close, my memories, and then

Go forward, to my future and leave where I've been.

My memories, so precious, with all the strength they give,

Here and now is where I am; and here and now, is where I'll live.

Rich, layered memories of seasons past...

Live beside moments that are passing too fast.

With memories of the past and those folks I hold dear,

I'll live in the moment and be of good cheer.

For tomorrow will come before we know...

Today's memories will linger like new-fallen snow.

So pretty, so ethereal, so white and so cold.

Now passes too fast and soon, I'll be old.

Gathering my memories, and these fresh moments, too

I am moving forward....heading, always, toward you.

Memories from the past, precious moments in time

Past, present and future, in our love, entwined.

Baking Cookies....

Today, I cleaned up my old kitchen

In preparation for some baking

For here is where it all happens,

Those memories in the making.

Windows fogged up from the heated oven,

Crowned in curtains, made long ago by me.

Ingredients lovingly strewn on the counter,

Soon become cookies, as you will see.

Sights and smells and sounds galore

All bring back memories of Christmases past,

Baking cookies, by foggy windows,

Candles burning and memories that last.

The laughter of her little children

Lives in a mother’s heart forever,

And baking cookies for those children’s children

Seems like such a noble endeavor.

Watching little faces light up as they smile

And spy the cookies that Grandma has made.

And smell the smells, and see the treats,

That’s the stuff of memories that don’t fade.

So, come into this grandma’s kitchen,

Sit down, please, and stay awhile

Have a cookie, and a glass of milk.

And we’ll talk……. and we’ll smile.

Grandma's Table...

Gathered around Grandma's table,

Three generations of our family.

Sharing that special meal saved

For this one annual holiday.

Gentleness borne of loving thoughts

Easy conversation shared

Stories told, laughter follows,

It seems that they are always paired.

The bounty of the harvest

Spread out upon the table,

Hopes of togetherness abound

Calling us to come if we are able.

Sharing the food we always have,

The ritual we always keep,

Sitting there afterward and talking

And wanting to lie down and sleep.

The boys go out and throw the ball,

It's a beautiful autumn day,

While Grandma washes dishes,

And puts the food away.

As the sunlight leaves us

And the evening draws nigh...

Grandma surveys the scene,

And sighs a gentle sigh....

Another holiday meal is over

A feast shared with those held dear

Gracing, again, Grandma's table...

And looking forward to next year.

Peace at last, settles in...

Grandma's table is empty now,

Only the memories of the day remain..

And the love, at this table, shared..

Life Goes On...

Comforting words,

Spoken with glee..

A spectacular sunset,

For all to see.

Laughter from the

The next room,

Chases away

Any sense of gloom.

Lives touched

No longer forlorn

Mended hearts

New joy is borne.

Gently blowing

Breezes calm..

The sun provides

A soothing balm.

Life goes on

Day by day,

Love conquers all

And is here to stay.

Your Turn to Bloom..

Open up, Bright Flower

Don't start to fade...

It's your turn to bloom

Your dues are paid.

The good times are coming

The bad times are past

It's your turn to bloom,

And be happy, at last.

Though wrongs are not righted,

And justice is not done,

It's your turn to bloom,

And have some fun.

The chores are finished,

The children are grown,

It's your turn to bloom,

Your way will be shown.

Life has moved on

You've rounded the bend,

It's your turn to bloom,

And bloom till the end.

Sweet sunset is coming,

Then the darkness before dawn,

It's your turn to bloom,

Before it's all gone.